The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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