How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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