i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
