so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So much rum. So many feels.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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