i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
