Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
