You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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