Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
