woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
