it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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