Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
