Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my poor anus
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
