Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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