I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
