Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
