If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize