all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
