just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
how drunk are you?
Several
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
