Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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