Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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