I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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