i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
