I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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