We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
