I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so much tequila, so little girl.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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