Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize