You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
