hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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