Don't make out with my wife yet
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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