You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize