So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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