YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
