erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
