wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
