I wish I only lived at night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
