i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I intend to get homeless drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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