I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
