I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize