you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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