But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
