just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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