It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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