if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
