is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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