Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
