My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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