How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
