I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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