I feel like I'm in dance class right now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
