Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
