its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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