my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
