i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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