There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
