i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
