the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
