i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
