i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
