The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
