The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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