I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
