Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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