Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
