peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
