I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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