How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
These tits shall not be calmed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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