I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
