Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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